A very merry Korean Christmas

Home in Vail, Christmas is one of two things: just another work day (bonus time and a half) or a day to go skiing with minimal holiday crowds.

Here in Korea, almost the entire community of ex-pat teachers has Christmas day off. We don't have our families here to celebrate with, so we celebrate with each other. The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of Christmas potluck parties and baking sessions, or rice crispy treat-making marathons if you live in my oven-less apartment.

Though there are many Buddhists and Christians in Korea (the latter mark their houses of worship with big, red, illuminated crosses on the highest point of their churches) the vast majority of the population is decidedly blase about religion. some of my students have plastic Christmas trees, and many will get gifts, but few know the history behind the holiday.

I enjoyed the lack of gratuitous Christmas advertising, which generally starts just after Labor day in the United States. Only a couple weeks before the big birthday could you find a few Christmas-related items in shops and see a smattering of lights and decorations around town.

Breathing under water

On Sunday, six days before Christmas, I got sick -- the kind of sick that generally puts me out of commission for several days and involves a trip to the doctor's for antibiotics, syrups, pills and two types of inhalers. But there are no sick days in Korea (unless you have swine flu) so I suffered through it at work. On Wednesday, Dec. 23, I was so sick, I felt like I was trying to breathe under water. I had coughing fits so violent, my students would look at me wide-eyed (well, as wide-eyed as Koreans get) and say, "Teacher, hospital." Even my boss told me to get myself to a clinic.

But miraculously, I woke up on Christmas Eve tremendously improved. Not healthy by any means but no longer drowning in a colorful array of my own bodily fluids and well enough attend the festivities. About 25 friends and acquaintances gathered at Lucky Aparte (my home away from home away from home) for a massive potluck dinner and Secret Santa, at which I won a huge, squawking rubber chicken key chain that I will use to freak the daylights out of my naughty students.

Everyone spared no expense for the soiree. Avocados run about $4 per piece here, but we had a huge bowl of guacamole. There was chicken mole, bruschetta, carne asada, cheesy spinach dip, deviled eggs, crab dip and cold cured meats -- all the foods that you at home wouldn't raise an eyebrow at, but we haven't had it in ages and it was well received. On the big-screen TV, a cracking fireplace played on a loop, adding to the ambiance that was momentarily destroyed with the boys decided to watch porn, but that being less well received was quickly put to an end.

For the number of people in the apartment, we were extraordinarily quiet, but that didn't stop the first noise complaints from rolling in at around 11:30 p.m. We tried to placate the security guard with our delicious food, and he promised not to call Bossman Nick, but perhaps something was lost in translation because a few minutes later, Bossman Nick was on the line. Thank the stars he was hammered. He slurred about how he understood it was an important holiday for us foreigners, but the party was going to have to end. We eventually adjourned around 2 a.m. when most traveled to the Kyeongsung watering holes, but in my weakened state, I opted for bed.

Don't forget the Christmas pudding

The next day, Amy, a friend from Tennessee who's lived in Colorado for the last five years, hosted a lovely brunch. And then, still full from pancakes, bacon, eggs, smoked salmon and bagels, we traveled to Novotel on the Heundae beach and feasted like the shameless gluttons we are. For W55,000, about $50, we dined on a massive spread, including sushi bar, raw seafood bar, pasta station, shabu shabu station and carving station with turkey, stuffing, roast beef and prime rib. The grill offered a variety of steak, sausage and seafood, including lobster, and there were another dozen hot entrees and salads to choose from, in addition to the decadent dessert assortment. All this was accompanied by unlimited red and white wines and a Korean Santa Claus (he called himself Santa Claus' brother) who made us balloon animals.

Two hours later, we rolled ourselves out of Novotel and made out way to Rock and Roll bar a couple blocks away. There we stayed imbibing beer and spirits for the next five hours. Needless to say, the group thinned as the night wore on. At half past midnight, it was time to move on to the discotheque, but by that time, all that food had caught up to me, and all I wanted was bed.

However, taking leave of my friends is often a tricky situation. You see, if you tell someone you're leaving, he or she will inevitably protest your departure, at which point others will learn of your plans to bail and join in the protest. So, the best course of action, and one that I've nearly perfected, is to wait until everyone is engaged an/or so inebriated that they won't notice when you slip away. Being in an uber-packed nightclub when you give 'em the slip is also recommended.

And so my Christmas festivities ended with a pack of Pepto Bismol and tall glass of water. Christmas being on a Friday, I comforted myself with the fact that I'd have the weekend to recover from my gastronomic ordeal and drifted off to sleep. Hope you all had a very merry Christmas!