The tuk tuk scam

I remember the tuk tuks of my childhood – those noisy, dusty motorized tricycles that our mother never wanted us to ride, but did every once in a while anyway.

Today, guidebooks, hotels and reputable tourist information booths warn against tuk tuks and their scam artist drivers. But I’ve got to wonder, who’s scamming whom, exactly?

The play: Someone speaking remarkably good English approaches you in a high-traffic, touristy area, asking where you’re from, how long you’ll be in Bangkok and where you’re going.

“Going to (insert temple name here)?” he says. “Oh, but that temple is closed today. But here’s this excellent tuk tuk that can take you to an even better temple at a discount rate.”

Such a wealth of luck has never before poured down on any such unsuspecting tourist.

But instead of going to another temple, the tuk tuk driver man takes you to a jeweler or a tailor or perhaps a travel agency where you suffer through a high-pressure sales pitch as he collects commission for delivering another body to the door. Eventually, you arrive at a less-than-spectacular temple, where the driver will try to collect as much as he can from you.

The particulars of my scam were a little different, and 24 hours later, I’m still scratching my head a bit at the circumstances. I’d, perhaps foolishly, been trying to walk several miles from downtown Bangkok to my hotel. I was waiting at a deserted crosswalk when a man, not Thai, but maybe Indian, approached me.

“Where are you going?” he said.

“Back to my hotel,” I said, and since I wasn’t sure I was on the right path, I whipped out my map and asked the stranger for directions, which he happily provided.

“Oh, but that’s very far,” he said. “You can’t go home yet. Today is a very special day. It’s the anniversary of the king and queen, so it’s a promotional day in Bangkok, only today.”

If it’s such a special day, why haven’t I seen or heard anything about it, I wondered, but I kept silent.

“You can take any tuk tuk with a yellow sticker for 20 baht [about 65 cents],” he continued. “He’ll take you to four temples and one shop. You can see the Black Buddha. It’s open only one day a year – today. And all admissions are free, only today.”

And wouldn’t you know it, a tuk tuk with a yellow sticker just happened to drive up at that moment. I knew I was being taken for a ride, but since the driver wasn’t asking for payment until the end, I figured, why not? At worst, the driver takes off, and I have to find another way home.

I got in the tuk tuk. Wind in my hair, dust in my eyes, I hung on for dear life as the driver maneuvered the top-heavy go-kart at break-neck speeds. Ah, after a 20-year absence, it was good to be back in Bangkok.

The first stop was Wat (Temple) Intharawihan, boasting a 32-meter high, 10-meter wide standing Buddha, decorated in glass mosaics and 24-carat gold. Then it was on to Wat Thepsirin and the Black Buddha, which turned out not to be black at all, but gold. There, another man approached me, congratulating me on my good fortune to be there on the one day of the year it was open to the public.

At that point, I actually started to believe I’d gotten lucky, but then he led me out of the little temple with a little too much force. Why the rush?

“The monks are praying for the king and queen and cannot be disturbed,” he said.

Monks pray every day with tourists wandering around their temples. I didn’t see what the big deal was, but I was finished perusing anyway, so I slipped my shoes back on and got into my waiting tuk tuk. When I googled “Black Buddha” the next day, a slew of scam stories popped up, some with photos of a temple I had definitely NOT visited. Where had he taken me? What had I looked at? I also figured out that the royal anniversary is in April.

To his credit, tuk tuk driver man was straight with me as we drove to the jewelry shop. “You don’t have to buy,” he said. “But you look ‘round 10 minute, I get free gas.”

I bought a purse anyway.

Here’s the thing, I like shopping. I’m not in a position to buy much these days, but I still like looking around. Bringing me to these shops is a win-win situation for me and the driver. So after taking in the Wat Saket/Srakesa or Temple of the Golden Mount – with an impressively huge golden stupa and a 360-degree view of the city – I was happy to listen to another tuk tuk driver’s pitch.

“Go to fashion shop and travel shop, I bring you hotel free,” he said.

I get to shop for clothes, book my flight to Ko Samui and get a free ride home? It’s a deal.